Jewel is here to help

It's good to know that in these trying times, we can always rely on a surfeit of shelf talkers to help guide the way.

Missed opportunity: a Big Relief sticker on the metamucil.

Eco Lofts

How can you help the environment?

- Recycle

- Add a low-flow faucet aerator

- Recharge batteries

- Replace shower masturbation with shower threesomes to conserve water

- Use fluorescent light bulbs instead of incandescents

The contents of my tackle box

• Needle nose pliers

• Folding knife

• Hooks

• Sinkers

• Bobbers

• Golden hued cluster of deep fried lard

• Live bait

And lest I forget the subhead, if one were to be in the unenviable position to take "one bite" from the ((shudder)) tackle box, then wouldn't one already have been sufficiently "lured?" Does not the copywriter intend to say "hooked?" Or would that be cliche? Yes, yes, that would be cliche. Better to be woefully inaccurate. And to represent one's food as a luring device, not unlike, say, worms.

Home Depot's valuable opinion