Factose intolerant part deux

So, I’m flipping through another cooking magazine, and lo and behold, there’s another ad teaching me about the relative non-dangers of high fructose corn syrup.

Thank you, Corn Refiners Association, thank you.

Let’s take a look at the facts clinging to the side of that pudding cup, shall we?

Fact: Your dry cleaner doesn’t know shit about shit.

Fact: Kevin totally caught a typo in that last fact, sew eye fixed it.

Fact: High fructose corn syrup is simply a kind of corn sugar.

Fact: Corn sugar is harvested from the teat of a virgin unicorn.

Fact: Virgin unicorns are more common than you might think.

Fact: Did your dry cleaner even go to school?

Fact: High fructose corn syrup has no artificial ingredients.

Fact: AI: Artificial Ingredients was a movie starring Haley Joel Osmont.

Fact: Haley Joel Osmont is a virgin unicorn.

Fact: All sugars should be enjoyed in moderation.

Fact: That does not include the sugars contained in this blog.

Fact: Or in cocaine. Go nuts with that stuff.

Fact: “You’re in for a sweet surprise” was not the tagline of Ginger Dead Man.

Fact: Ginger Dead Man did not star Haley Joel Osmont. 

Fact: That would have been sweet if it did.

Fact: By sweet, I mean, a totally natural, low-cal sweet.

Fact: Your dry cleaner’s a dick.