Think high fructose corn syrup is bad for you? No, you being a fat pig is bad for you!
See, I was flipping through this magazine, and I found this wonderful PSA paid for by the…um…Corn Refiners Association. Well okay! I mean, the corn is refined, right? Let’s see what kind of facts we can dredge up from the bottom of the cereal bowl.
Fact: High fructose corn syrup is natural.
Fact: So is staphylococcus aureus.
Fact: Staphylococcus aureus can cause bumblefoot in birds of prey.
Fact: High fructose corn syrup has not yet been proven to cause bumblefoot.
Fact: High fructose corn syrup is nutritionally the same as table sugar.
Fact: Table sugar has never been linked to diabetes, acne, insomnia, cavities, or AIDS.
Fact: High fructose corn syrup has the same number of calories as table sugar.
Fact: Obesity just means there’s more of you to love.
Fact: High fructose corn syrup should be enjoyed in moderation.
Fact: It is impossible to truly enjoy anything in moderation.
Fact: There is high fructose corn syrup in almost everything, including this blog.
Fact: High fructose corn syrup can’t be all that bad.
Fact: That last fact was paid for by the Corn Refiners Association.
Fact: Bumblefoot.
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